in regards to a truth

I've come to a conclusion, I guess it's an ongoing thing really... that some people are too insecure to be truthful with not only others but even more so with themselves.

I don't pride myself in being more honest than not, I am just happy that I am. I'm honest with people, the way that I present myself is never something I am not. I don't dress to change the way I appear inside or out, I don't have a a face in the closet that I don't wear at the same time twenty four hours out of the day.

This posting was encouraged by an unresolved event today and my best friend Kelli .

There's not too much detail to go into. A friendship between myself and a boy (a man, whatever) that took a strange turn for a little, then for some reason was never able to recover from a fall. I can recover from a lot of falls in this area, I was created for these types of things. I have come to perfect in my 24/25 years of living, the art of recovering from a thing that looked like love.

It must be this hope. We talk about hope a lot, Kelli and I do. We talk about how we have this incredible resilience to these heart bruises. We have this ever so childlike faith in love and in people; that they would give love rather than keep it to themselves or tragically do the opposite. Sometimes we are surprised, sometimes not so much.

In regards to a true love between myself and a man, I can be so diluted and inundated in disbelief and negativity in one instance and then in the same breath have the most overwhelming wave of relentless hope in love. It's dizzying, it's breathtaking and I believe it all to be more than real.

No matter how one man makes me feel to the next and I'm talking about the, speak to my heart with your actions, laughter, intentions, words and encouragement, type of feeling, I will never be lead to believe that it won't happen one day, finding one that will stick, i mean.

I always say I can fall in love with anyone I find myself getting along with. Of course that is not the story with EVERYONE but let's say I've created a grand plethora over the years...I think it comes down to this:

When one man respects the time that I want to invest in his life and the incredible unending love I have to give and can reciprocate if not the same than even more back to me, that is the time I will believe it is a kind of love that won't be repeated in my lifetime.

I'm really eager for the day and am patiently joyful in the meantime.