i think that finding the song that you can play over and over again can be similar to what it will be like when you have found the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. what a funny concept anyways-it's like totally embedded in us that we must spend the rest of our lives in coupledom.
don't get me wrong. i mean, i am completely in love with the idea of love and spending the rest of my life with someone i love, but it's an iffy situation.
i think the first time i really fall in love will be when someone actually falls in love with me. is that weird? i mean, it sounds right; it seems like you should only be in love once in your life, the rest of the times, well, i'd say the rest of it just isn't love. now, yes, i agree, you can love people, and i'm not saying you can only love one person, but what i am saying is that i really only think you can actually fall in love with one person and that one person can only fall in love with you. because you see if it doesnt go both ways, it's definitely not love. love is fair and it's equal- anything that is not giving and taking equal amounts can only try to disguise as love.
but i am sure it is not love. atleast that one, real love.
ok, so, freaking back to the song idea. right now i have this song that i can listen to over and over again and i totally think that when i fall in love it will be like listening to my favorite song. yea, i think that seems right. then again love is defined in various ways so, to each their own.
ciao...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
So, God loves pickles?
First, my mom is home and doing very well. YAY!
I have been babysitting for this particular family for quite sometime now. The kids consist of an almost 8 year old, Jack, a 6 year old, Joey, and Jenna, she's 4.
When I started watching these kids, Jenna wasn't born, no where in the picture and Joey was a baby with an absolutely gigantic head. Literally, the biggest, most square-shaped head I had ever seen. I was a sophomore in high school when I started watching these kids.
After going away to college, I still would visit them or babysit if I was ever home. I am finished with college and still adore these kids more than ever. Even if they don't ask me to babysit, I will pick up the kids and take them to the beach around sunset, where we play in the sand and try to build fortress pools and play in the water and have seaweed fights. They scream at the top of their lungs-especialy Joey who sounds like a girl. Of course I try and calm them down, but I can't fight the laughter these kids bring to me.
Yesterday afternoon, we went bowling while it was raining and then got a pizza after it cleared up and sat down by the beach and ate dinner then played in the sand and went swimming until about sunset.
While I was washing the kids off, I always make them take of their bathingsuits by the shower so we are sand free- well that takes a while when you have a 4,6 and 8 year old laughing at being naked. And before you think I am some sort of free nudist- I honestly make sure that as soon as one of them is done, that they keep the towl wrapped around them at all times. I really could go on and on with the smallest details of my time with them, but I won't. But I will say, while I was just rewrapping their towels to walk back to the car, this older man who was standing somewhat close enough to hear me trying to keep order during the rinse off time, walked by and as he was getting in his car he said, "...you know you have a lot of patience. I only have one and I can barely muster up the patience to rinse her off here at the beach- but you have three, that is impressive."
WOW. I have patience? I guess I do! But only with kids-is what it seems to be. Who knows. Needless to say it made me very happy.
On the drive home, we had in depth conversations about God. Jack (the eldest) asked me what the sticker on my car meant- "God is NOT a Republican or a Democrat" Well, I tried to explain in a way he could relate to- say there are two clubs at school, one club likes pizza and the other club doesn't like pizza- well, God wouldn't want to be in either club- he likes people who like pizza and he likes people who don't like pizza! and so I tried to explain that democrats and republicans are two different ways of thinking when it comes to the government, like who our president is.
Well, then up in the front seat, I see Joey deep in thought and then all the sudden, in all seriousness he says with his finger waiving around in front, "So, God loves pickles?!" I freaking love this kid.
Later he tells me that he loves pickles so he was glad God did too. We talked about God being in our car, and Jenna puts her arm out like she has it held around someone's shoulder, and says, Hi, God! He was sitting right next to her too!
I love these kids, they bring me such joy.
I have been babysitting for this particular family for quite sometime now. The kids consist of an almost 8 year old, Jack, a 6 year old, Joey, and Jenna, she's 4.
When I started watching these kids, Jenna wasn't born, no where in the picture and Joey was a baby with an absolutely gigantic head. Literally, the biggest, most square-shaped head I had ever seen. I was a sophomore in high school when I started watching these kids.
After going away to college, I still would visit them or babysit if I was ever home. I am finished with college and still adore these kids more than ever. Even if they don't ask me to babysit, I will pick up the kids and take them to the beach around sunset, where we play in the sand and try to build fortress pools and play in the water and have seaweed fights. They scream at the top of their lungs-especialy Joey who sounds like a girl. Of course I try and calm them down, but I can't fight the laughter these kids bring to me.
Yesterday afternoon, we went bowling while it was raining and then got a pizza after it cleared up and sat down by the beach and ate dinner then played in the sand and went swimming until about sunset.
While I was washing the kids off, I always make them take of their bathingsuits by the shower so we are sand free- well that takes a while when you have a 4,6 and 8 year old laughing at being naked. And before you think I am some sort of free nudist- I honestly make sure that as soon as one of them is done, that they keep the towl wrapped around them at all times. I really could go on and on with the smallest details of my time with them, but I won't. But I will say, while I was just rewrapping their towels to walk back to the car, this older man who was standing somewhat close enough to hear me trying to keep order during the rinse off time, walked by and as he was getting in his car he said, "...you know you have a lot of patience. I only have one and I can barely muster up the patience to rinse her off here at the beach- but you have three, that is impressive."
WOW. I have patience? I guess I do! But only with kids-is what it seems to be. Who knows. Needless to say it made me very happy.
On the drive home, we had in depth conversations about God. Jack (the eldest) asked me what the sticker on my car meant- "God is NOT a Republican or a Democrat" Well, I tried to explain in a way he could relate to- say there are two clubs at school, one club likes pizza and the other club doesn't like pizza- well, God wouldn't want to be in either club- he likes people who like pizza and he likes people who don't like pizza! and so I tried to explain that democrats and republicans are two different ways of thinking when it comes to the government, like who our president is.
Well, then up in the front seat, I see Joey deep in thought and then all the sudden, in all seriousness he says with his finger waiving around in front, "So, God loves pickles?!" I freaking love this kid.
Later he tells me that he loves pickles so he was glad God did too. We talked about God being in our car, and Jenna puts her arm out like she has it held around someone's shoulder, and says, Hi, God! He was sitting right next to her too!
I love these kids, they bring me such joy.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
ma
my mom is in the hospital right now. i havent seen her since earlier this morning before i went to work. i usually say bye to my mom in the morning if she is asleep (because i work on the weekends and she and my dad are home then) but this morning for some reason i did not want to wake her up.
i had a relatively good day at work. having a good day at work does not mean you will have a good day in general. although i cannot say that i have not had a good day-this day could have turned out a lot worse- so maybe i am having a good day.
either way, i am still sad, i am still worried, and i still can't stop my thoughts from running. i keep imagining my Mom, my amazing, loving, silly, PERFECT Mom. I can't keep my mind from thinking of the worst situations that could happen over the next few days.
i know, it's a very simple, routine surgery- gallbladder removal, kidney stones removed...but still, I can't help these thoughts.
My Dad is sleeping at the hospital right now, and i guess she has been on a bunch of pain medicine, i hate that. i know my Mom doesn't like medicine. But, my Dad is going to sleep there because my Mom has the CRAZIEST dreams at night, she will wake up and literally jump out of bed thinking that she sees something....actually they are pretty ridiculously funny dreams- but anyways, my Dad is ALWAYS there for her to comfort her and bring her back to bed...after she sheepishly realizes that she has just screamed bloody murder in the living room- most likely because of a dwarf sitting at the table...hahaha oh man...
does that make her sound strange? i guess she is a weird one, but she is SO FUNNY. I love my Mom and I miss her tonight. It's weird because I know where she is supposed to be and she's not here.
i had a relatively good day at work. having a good day at work does not mean you will have a good day in general. although i cannot say that i have not had a good day-this day could have turned out a lot worse- so maybe i am having a good day.
either way, i am still sad, i am still worried, and i still can't stop my thoughts from running. i keep imagining my Mom, my amazing, loving, silly, PERFECT Mom. I can't keep my mind from thinking of the worst situations that could happen over the next few days.
i know, it's a very simple, routine surgery- gallbladder removal, kidney stones removed...but still, I can't help these thoughts.
My Dad is sleeping at the hospital right now, and i guess she has been on a bunch of pain medicine, i hate that. i know my Mom doesn't like medicine. But, my Dad is going to sleep there because my Mom has the CRAZIEST dreams at night, she will wake up and literally jump out of bed thinking that she sees something....actually they are pretty ridiculously funny dreams- but anyways, my Dad is ALWAYS there for her to comfort her and bring her back to bed...after she sheepishly realizes that she has just screamed bloody murder in the living room- most likely because of a dwarf sitting at the table...hahaha oh man...
does that make her sound strange? i guess she is a weird one, but she is SO FUNNY. I love my Mom and I miss her tonight. It's weird because I know where she is supposed to be and she's not here.
Monday, August 6, 2007
i finally saw it
Fahrenheit 9/11
I saw it last night, at almost 1 am I started to watch it. I was trying to watch the film from a very unbiased standpoint- yes i disagree very much with the war, yes, i don't agree we should have the current leader in house, but still i really tried my hardest to be objective.
wow. do you know, that is the hardest thing when you throw in human lives. when you start to gamble with families and life. i mean, the information presented has no way of being made up- even if it was, you look at our leader and his whole crew and the way he spoke after our nation's biggest tragedy, was really appalling. Honestly, you can tell when someone is lying to you, the way they speak, their body language- true some people are better at lying- but no, definitely not our President. It was absolutely horrible to see all of the footage of him, Condolezza Rice, Dick Cheney, and all of them, speak two polar opposites within a 4 year period.
Watching these poor soldiers, I felt for them, the ones who spoke disgraceful words to Iraqi captives-they (our countries, sons, husbands, friends) were having a total disregard for life. I don't feel as though they were trained enough-psychologically-for war. How do simple songs provoke you to kill? Are we running a marathon, or trying to "create peace and bring democracy" for another nation? It seems like a spree.
My chest-honest to God- was in pain while I was watching this film in the early morning. My heart was stressing for these soldiers to return to a better place- for the innocence that we have helped them kill within themselves and around them. The civilians, just like ours in the Trade Center, were completely innocent but aimed at. Like a child, who is so helpless and defensive- if the child is hurt as opposed to the adult, the "one in charge", it hurts more, it creates a bigger impact and stronger pain, is that a war strategy? Surely not the war that I have read about that my Grandfather fought in.
That's a different story, of course.
I talked to my brother about this film last night, at 3am when I finished watching it- but had to "rewind" the ending when our leader tries to tell the old saying, "fool me once, shame on you- fool me twice, shame on me" but couldn't seem to get the words right and ended up making a fool out of himself- i'm sorry but that was honestly pretty funny and would have been if it came from anyone who was trying to make some sort of point.
This film hit me hard, it made me feel differently about who i am serving in this life- who am i helping and what could i be doing to help more people? the negative thing about this film was it honestly gave rise to a lot of hurt, and anger towards a lot of people in charge of our country- the injustices that occur on a daily basis and ones that unbeknownst to me, am supporting every second with my unenlightened decisions. All I could do was pray; pray to my God that I know has the unending ability to create such beauty, to be such an amazing artist and love unendlessly. I could only pray that i wouldn't hold so much hate in my heart at that moment, that I would use what i had seen and change. that i myself, might love unendlessly and with such an unbias that i will forgive my leader and what he and the current administration have done.
This is slightly off subject, but still deals with the tender and innocent life of our Creator's imagination. I walked down a pier with some close friends last night and at the end was a big crowd- some people were fishing. We heard there was a shark, and I thought it was just in the water so I looked down, only to see a helpless life dangling by the end of a hook, in the middle of the dark night with only a flashlight glarring down at it's last few minutes struggling to stay alive. It was when they finally brought up the shark and slammed it on the wooden pier, that you could hear the life being taken out of this piece of creation. Its body writhed around, longing to be back in the water. I broke down. I could not bare to watch a life ending for no cause. There was no dire need for this being to be killed, it was pointless.
Events in our life are so creatively orchestrated by God (in my opinion) to teach us. And sometimes-most of the time- it's by our own unawareness that others suffer, but we are not machines, we are real and were given the ability to change and be changed. I hope that I take everyday and learn from what God has planned and use creativity to change for the goodness of love and brotherhood. I pray that we take each day and live for the sake of others and their ability to also create so that love can florish throughout every nation.
I saw it last night, at almost 1 am I started to watch it. I was trying to watch the film from a very unbiased standpoint- yes i disagree very much with the war, yes, i don't agree we should have the current leader in house, but still i really tried my hardest to be objective.
wow. do you know, that is the hardest thing when you throw in human lives. when you start to gamble with families and life. i mean, the information presented has no way of being made up- even if it was, you look at our leader and his whole crew and the way he spoke after our nation's biggest tragedy, was really appalling. Honestly, you can tell when someone is lying to you, the way they speak, their body language- true some people are better at lying- but no, definitely not our President. It was absolutely horrible to see all of the footage of him, Condolezza Rice, Dick Cheney, and all of them, speak two polar opposites within a 4 year period.
Watching these poor soldiers, I felt for them, the ones who spoke disgraceful words to Iraqi captives-they (our countries, sons, husbands, friends) were having a total disregard for life. I don't feel as though they were trained enough-psychologically-for war. How do simple songs provoke you to kill? Are we running a marathon, or trying to "create peace and bring democracy" for another nation? It seems like a spree.
My chest-honest to God- was in pain while I was watching this film in the early morning. My heart was stressing for these soldiers to return to a better place- for the innocence that we have helped them kill within themselves and around them. The civilians, just like ours in the Trade Center, were completely innocent but aimed at. Like a child, who is so helpless and defensive- if the child is hurt as opposed to the adult, the "one in charge", it hurts more, it creates a bigger impact and stronger pain, is that a war strategy? Surely not the war that I have read about that my Grandfather fought in.
That's a different story, of course.
I talked to my brother about this film last night, at 3am when I finished watching it- but had to "rewind" the ending when our leader tries to tell the old saying, "fool me once, shame on you- fool me twice, shame on me" but couldn't seem to get the words right and ended up making a fool out of himself- i'm sorry but that was honestly pretty funny and would have been if it came from anyone who was trying to make some sort of point.
This film hit me hard, it made me feel differently about who i am serving in this life- who am i helping and what could i be doing to help more people? the negative thing about this film was it honestly gave rise to a lot of hurt, and anger towards a lot of people in charge of our country- the injustices that occur on a daily basis and ones that unbeknownst to me, am supporting every second with my unenlightened decisions. All I could do was pray; pray to my God that I know has the unending ability to create such beauty, to be such an amazing artist and love unendlessly. I could only pray that i wouldn't hold so much hate in my heart at that moment, that I would use what i had seen and change. that i myself, might love unendlessly and with such an unbias that i will forgive my leader and what he and the current administration have done.
This is slightly off subject, but still deals with the tender and innocent life of our Creator's imagination. I walked down a pier with some close friends last night and at the end was a big crowd- some people were fishing. We heard there was a shark, and I thought it was just in the water so I looked down, only to see a helpless life dangling by the end of a hook, in the middle of the dark night with only a flashlight glarring down at it's last few minutes struggling to stay alive. It was when they finally brought up the shark and slammed it on the wooden pier, that you could hear the life being taken out of this piece of creation. Its body writhed around, longing to be back in the water. I broke down. I could not bare to watch a life ending for no cause. There was no dire need for this being to be killed, it was pointless.
Events in our life are so creatively orchestrated by God (in my opinion) to teach us. And sometimes-most of the time- it's by our own unawareness that others suffer, but we are not machines, we are real and were given the ability to change and be changed. I hope that I take everyday and learn from what God has planned and use creativity to change for the goodness of love and brotherhood. I pray that we take each day and live for the sake of others and their ability to also create so that love can florish throughout every nation.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Guilty
I am so guilty of reading a book called, "Mr. Maybe". Honestly, I've never been so embarrassed to read a book before, there is a picture on the front cover of a naked man with the title in a circle over his goods.
I went to the beach today and I would usually not put any thought into this, but I seriously had to fold over the cover (sorry Kelli, I'm ruining your book-even though you had coffee stains on it anyways) so that people could not see the title or the photo on the front.
When I am at home and I put the book down, I turn it over so that the cover is never showing.
But of course, something happens today that completely reverses all that I have done to hide the book I have been reading for the past week.
I go to see Andre, the boy I liked and now like again, I can say this because I know he would never go on here to read this. Anyways, I haven't seen Andre in quite some time now, but I really wanted to see him now that I was in town. I go to the bagel shop that he works at around 10 this morning, looking pretty damn scruffy with tights, a sailor tank that Larkin and Tyler got me, and my crocs, I feel very comfortable and really excited to see him. I am greeted with a Colombian kiss (on the cheek) and the first thing he notices is my huge Matt & Nat that I recently was gifted from my parents for a grad. present. *sidenote- this bag is amazing, brazened brown, really worn in and just pretty much amazing. The type of bag that you could through a laptop in and a pair of clothes for a weekend trip-to France...while I'm living in Italy somewhere, someday- these are my plans for the bag.
ANYWAYS, so he takes notice of my huge bag and says, in his ridiculously cute accent, "what could you possibly have in there?" and takes the bag from me while someone who he works with is talking to me. So he has my bag and I think to myself, my God what do I have in there? Nothing, and I wasn't sure why I had worried so much at first, then he pulls out a huge pink novel and says, "oooooh, she likes to read!" as he looks at everyone who is behind the counter and displays the cover of the book for everyone to see---what the hell.
"Are there any pictures???" he says as he flips through the book, thank God there were none. Not that it's one of those nasty novels, but still, it's way girly and just ridiculously similar to how I think/feel/act and so, why would I want that displayed in photos. no matter.
My point is, is that my previous success in hiding this book from everyone I know was completely blown by this guy in less than 2 seconds. I want to start writing in a british accent like libby...she's the main character in the book.
So I guess there really wasn't a point in this story, I just thought it was funny and now you know what book I've been reading and can look it up online...here let me make the search a little easier for you:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780767905206&itm=1
oh man.
I went to the beach today and I would usually not put any thought into this, but I seriously had to fold over the cover (sorry Kelli, I'm ruining your book-even though you had coffee stains on it anyways) so that people could not see the title or the photo on the front.
When I am at home and I put the book down, I turn it over so that the cover is never showing.
But of course, something happens today that completely reverses all that I have done to hide the book I have been reading for the past week.
I go to see Andre, the boy I liked and now like again, I can say this because I know he would never go on here to read this. Anyways, I haven't seen Andre in quite some time now, but I really wanted to see him now that I was in town. I go to the bagel shop that he works at around 10 this morning, looking pretty damn scruffy with tights, a sailor tank that Larkin and Tyler got me, and my crocs, I feel very comfortable and really excited to see him. I am greeted with a Colombian kiss (on the cheek) and the first thing he notices is my huge Matt & Nat that I recently was gifted from my parents for a grad. present. *sidenote- this bag is amazing, brazened brown, really worn in and just pretty much amazing. The type of bag that you could through a laptop in and a pair of clothes for a weekend trip-to France...while I'm living in Italy somewhere, someday- these are my plans for the bag.
ANYWAYS, so he takes notice of my huge bag and says, in his ridiculously cute accent, "what could you possibly have in there?" and takes the bag from me while someone who he works with is talking to me. So he has my bag and I think to myself, my God what do I have in there? Nothing, and I wasn't sure why I had worried so much at first, then he pulls out a huge pink novel and says, "oooooh, she likes to read!" as he looks at everyone who is behind the counter and displays the cover of the book for everyone to see---what the hell.
"Are there any pictures???" he says as he flips through the book, thank God there were none. Not that it's one of those nasty novels, but still, it's way girly and just ridiculously similar to how I think/feel/act and so, why would I want that displayed in photos. no matter.
My point is, is that my previous success in hiding this book from everyone I know was completely blown by this guy in less than 2 seconds. I want to start writing in a british accent like libby...she's the main character in the book.
So I guess there really wasn't a point in this story, I just thought it was funny and now you know what book I've been reading and can look it up online...here let me make the search a little easier for you:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780767905206&itm=1
oh man.
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